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Honoring Her Choice

As I watched The Return of the King today a thought occurred to me: women make awful big sacrifices to be with the one they love. Arwen, the elf princess, gave up immortality in order to be with Aragorn, the man she loved. For Aragorn to honor the choice Arwen made he had to put aside the ranger and become the king he was born to be.

I am no expert in female psychology and so I am not going to delve into the choices women make in order to be with the man they love. It appears obvious to me that women give up many dreams that they have to be with a man who they believe loves them.

What I want to consider is how men can honor the choice women make to be with them. How can a single guy begin to honor the choice some lady will make in the future? How can a boyfriend honor the choice of the girl he has yet to commit to? How can a husband honor the choice of his wife to be with him until death?

Maybe being a single male without very much experience in romantic relationships I am not very qualified to write about this subject, but the more I think about it the more I believe it is something that we have to consider. It is time for men to respond nobly and honorably to the choices the woman in their lives make.

Single guys if we are going to honor the choice of our future wife we have to do at least these two things. First we have to find our identity. Our identity cannot come for the girl we are with, it has to come from a different source if we are going to love and lead her the way we need to. Second we must commit to purity. This isn't just about abstaining from sex before we are married, it is about how we treat women. Remember Jesus said that having lust in our hearts is the same as committing adultery. It is vital that we learn to respect the women around us. To honor our wives now we must respect all women.

Guys in a relationship but aren't married I believe it is vital for you do discover your identity. You will never be the man your wife needs you to be until you discover who you are. This might mean taking a break from your current relationship to do that, but it must be done. You also must guard the purity of the one you are with right now. Since you are not married so much of what you desire to do with her you cannot do. She is your sister in Christ and you must treat her as such. You have to be the man, even if she is willing to give you have to have the courage, the strength, and the love to say no. If you are going to honor the choice your future wife is going to make you have the responsibility to guard the purity of the woman you are with right now.

Married guys. She has already made the choice, and now you have the responsibility to live up to that choice she made. First this requires living out the roles in your life. So often as guys we put ourselves into one or two roles, but we neglect the others. Your wife doesn't just need a provider, but she needs a protector. She doesn't just need a lover, but she needs a friend. She doesn't just need a playmate, but she needs a partner. You need to be a leader, a lover, a helper, a listener, and when the time comes, a father. You also have the responsibility in helping her realize her God-given potential. To do anything less would be to dishonor the choice she made to love you. God created her with certain gifts and talents and He brought her through different experiences and pain so that she could do good works. As her partner it is up to you to help her realize the potential she has.

When a woman decides to love a man she chooses to join her dreams and goals with his. She is sacrificing a lot to make that choice. It is up to us not to let her regret the choice that she made.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. ~ Ephesians 5:25-26 (NLT)

(It needs to be pointed out that I orginally wrote this post in January of 2005. I thought I would pull it out of retirement for a Valentines Day reflection).


Joy said…
Focus on the Family has been broadcasting an excellent series on "What Men Need to Know about Women." It has been very insightful, even to us women-types.

On Tuesday, the point was made that women want security--NOT food on the table and a roof over their heads--emotional security. The stat was cited that a majority of women surveyed would undergo a financial crisis versus infidelity.

James 1:22
Paul said…
Thanks Joy for stopping by. That is some good stuff to think about.
FreeInHim94 said…
I'm catching this a little late in the game, but...great post. Thanks for sending out that admonition and encouraging guys to be purposeful and godly whether they are without a wife, pursuing one or married.

I particularly liked how you ended it..."When a woman decides to love man she chooses to join her dreams and goals with his. She is sacrificing a lot to make that choice. It is up to us not to let her regret the choice that she made." But there is another side to this. Most women dream about their husband from childhood, so the sacrifice of dreams isn't so much in the getting, but in the living out in reality what was dreamt about for decades. Since we don't live in a dream, or even in a movie, alot of these dreams HAVE to die because they are pure fantasy and not even based on the man they actually married. However, I believe it is everyone's hope that their love will make a King out of the Ranger they married...and I'm sure it would bless the mess out of any woman if their man did all he could to make that dream come true.
Paul said…

Thanks for your comment. I have been thinking about reworking this one into an article that I can submit for publication, and you have given me some things to think about. It is good to get a female perspective on it.
car said…
Thanks for this post. It is very inspiring. It's glad to know that there are still guys who appreciates a woman's love.
Anonymous said…
so glad i read this i love these passage "Your wife doesn't just need a provider, but she needs a protector. She doesn't just need a lover, but she needs a friend. She doesn't just need a playmate, but she needs a partner. You need to be a leader, a lover, a helper, a listener, and when the time comes, a father." now i have the perfect words to say to my friend. thanks!
Anonymous said…
I am Thanking Our ABBA Father for sharing this good WORD through your hands Paul. As a woman it is so very valdating and refreshing to hear men talk about women this way. My husband is as you have described in honoring my choices to be with him, but also honors my interests and the call of God on my life to be a wife and a missionary of the Gospel. It makes a big difference to a woman when her man is standing in HIS identity and allows himself to be multi-dimensional not just our macho protector from the physical world but also continuing to walk in purity to protect our emotional and spiritual world. I am strengthened by my husband because his prayer life covers me, it covers us.
We don't have a TV and we don't listen much to radio, so we don't know a lot about surveys or Focus on the Family.
What I do know is if more men, men who Follow Jesus Christ would consider what you have written the crazy divorce rate among the "christian" ranks could begin to diminish.
And of course vice versa,
Women: We have got to stop tempting other women's husbands. We have got to honor men by not stumbling them with our dress (or lack there of), our innocent, frivilous, flirtatious actions which do not end up innocent in thier heads. We need to honor men by RESPECTING THEM. They are hard wired by God to be the leaders, let them be the leaders. Let them learn, they have so few role models of any value, so let them make mistakes,and do forgive quickly.
MEN Need our attention and respect.
Loving you Brother in the Name of Jesus
Karen in AZ
Shelia said…
Thank you for this. So glad to hear a man think like this.

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