After One Year

Today is my one year marriage anniversary.  It is hard to believe that after all those years of being single and living alone that I am really married.  I know many people, from marriage professionals to the average married couple, will tell you the first year is a difficult year, but for Jenny and I our first year has been wonderful.  That doesn't mean we haven't had our share of misunderstandings, but we have made the transition to being husband and wife very easily and naturally.

One reason for this is because we are at the same level of spiritual maturity.  We have both recognized that one of the reasons our previous relationships ended was because of differences in spiritual maturity.  It is so wonderful to be able to talk about things of faith and to be on the same wave length.

I would encourage anyone planning on getting engaged or counting down the days to spend time to grow spiritually together.  Read the same book together (I have a list of suggested reading on the side of the blog) and discuss it with each other.  Make sure you are taking time to pray for each other and with each other (I have some different prayers a boyfriend can pray in this post: Be a Praying Boyfriend).

A second reason our first year has been so great is because we are pursuing the same dream.  God laid on our hearts, even before we met, to have a place where people can come to find restoration, to have training, and to be discipled.  This has been part of our prayers, conversations, and our plans.  Rather than having our house serving as home base as we go out and do our own thing we see our home as the first place our common dream can become a reality.

If you are in the stage of heading towards marriage I think it is very important for you to talk with your fiancee about what you can do together for the Kingdom of God.  The first purpose of marriage is to become a dynamic duo for God's Kingdom.  God has brought you together for that purpose, and your marriage will only get stronger as you give yourself away to what He has called you, as a couple, to do.

A third and final reason I will share is that we didn't allow our problems to fester.  The apostle Paul wrote;  "And 'don't sin by letting anger control you.' Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-26; NLT).  Keep in mind that anger is not the only way Satan can get a foothold in our lives, and so we need to deal with the whole range of sins and temptations, from anger to lust to gossip, because each and every area gives Satan room to wriggle himself into our hearts and minds.  Jenny and I did a very good job at dealing with our disagreements and problems right away and not bringing them into the next day.  I think that helped us to stay focus on our love for each other rather than blowing up the problems bigger than they really are.

One of the things our dating culture is very poor at teaching is how to handle conflict and problems.  Dating teaches us to run away when things get tough rather than learning to work through the difficulties together.  When we don't deal with the problems, when we let the sun go down on them, then we open the door to Satan, and he will do his best to bring division and hurt into the relationship.  If you are engaged I would urge you to take some time and work through some of the difficulties and irritations you might already have with each other, because marriage is not going to magically make them disappear.  What marriage will do is make them bigger, and that is why it is so important to deal with them as soon as possible.  Make sure you do it as gently and kindly as you can and bathe the whole thing in prayer.  Remember God wants your marriage to succeed, and so He is a valuable member of your team.

I am very thankful for one year of marriage and for the love and encouragement Jenny has shown to me this past year.  It is great to think that there are many more days and years ahead!

Reading My Own Words

Earlier today I was pretty bummed. The sad reality is that I am not very happy with my life right now. There are so many things I wish I could change about my life, starting with where I live (I hate the cold, snow, and ice) and what I am doing (I am not cut out for pastoral ministry).

As I was allowing myself to thinking depressing thoughts this afternoon one of the thoughts that went through my mind was: I just don’t have joy in my life (actually this was a funny thing to think since I have been pondering a post about the small joys of life). At the time I just couldn’t think of anything that brought joy to my life.

Earlier this evening I began to clean up some files on my computer and I found a pondering I originally wrote in the summer of 2005 (believe I have reposted it here, just not sure when), which dealt with joy. As I read it I was reminded that I am not joyless, I just allowed my discontentment to rob me of the joy I do have.

This is what I wrote three and half years ago:

Discovering Joy

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law. ~ Galatians 5:22, 23; NLT

The Apostle Paul tells us that joy is one of the characteristics which make up the Christian’s life. The assumption we can make is that joy is something that God intends for us to experience in life. God does not desire that we go through life frustrated and grumpy. Joy should be one of the primary descriptions of our lives.

The pressures of this life often make joy one of the most elusive characteristics to have. We experience times of happiness and pleasure, but true joy eludes us. Part of the reason for that is because joy is not so much a feeling as it is a quality of life, and we have learned to settle for these momentary feelings rather than taking time to discover the joy God wants us to experience.

Joy, I believe, is discovered in our contentment of what we have in life. It flows from the knowledge that we are in exactly the right place. We can’t have joy when we allow ourselves to believe that the good life is just around the corner. When we are discontent with our lives we will not experience the joy we were designed to have. It is so easy to convince ourselves that the missing piece for joy in our lives will be found in the next relationship, with a new job, or having a nicer house. Rather than enjoying the blessings we have right now we focus on what seems to be missing from our lives which allows joy to elude us.

Joy is found in our contentment with life. It is the product of taking delight in our family and friends, as well as, any other blessings we have received. When we realize that the best of life is found in the love relationships we have, rather than in all the things we don’t have, joy will appear in our lives.

Not only does joy appear through our contentment, it is also found in our desire. Yes, that does sound contradictory, but it is not. Contentment is not the absence of desire, rather it is finding fulfillment in the way things are. Desire comes from the knowledge that things don’t stay the same. To stop desiring means a loss of joy in our lives.

Joy is found in the desire for things to come. It is the desire of the young lady content with her fiancé but who also longs for the wedding day. It is the desire of parents content with their baby but who also long to see her grow into a mature young woman. It is the desire of the Iowa Hawkeye fan content with the current state of the football program but who also longs for a National Championship. Hidden amongst our greatest desires is joy.

We were created to experience joy. It is one of the qualities God desires to see in our lives. As we learn to be content with our lives and to desire the right things joy will begin to show up and surprise us along this journey of life. There is joy in life and I hope you find it.

I am back

I experienced some computer problems the last few days, but they are now fixed. Sorry about my absence, since I know so many of you depend on Paul's Ponderings to get you through the day. Thanks for bearing with me.

It Isn't So Scary

I have a dog named Barkley. Barkley is an 11-month-old rat terrier and I have had him for 9-months. One of the reasons I got Barkley is because I like to walk and I wanted to have a walking companion. Rat terriers need the exercise of long walks (we walk between 3 and 6 miles a day) and they are small dogs so they don’t take up half the house. Barkley is everything I was looking for in a dog.

Yesterday while we were out walking we walked past one of the many Storm Lake parks. This park has a little section devoted to memorials: World War I, World War II, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War all have little stone monuments, about the size of a tomb stone. As we walked past the World War II memorial Barkley started to growl, at first I couldn’t figure out what he was growling at, and then I noticed he was staring straight at this stone. I began to lead him over to the stone, and he arches his back and digs in because he doesn’t want to go, and so I drag him over to it as he hides behind me. Eventually he starts to sniff around it and he realizes that it isn’t a threat at all.

The biggest obstacle I face in walking with Jesus is fear. I am a coward. There is a long list of things I am afraid of (amazingly public speaking isn’t one of them, it is one of my passions) from one on one conversations to managing money. Fear keeps me from living the life that God created me to live and it keeps me from really enjoying life.

I was thinking how nice it would be if I had someone who would walk with me and show me that my fears aren’t all that scary. You see, intellectually I know that, but get myself to believe it is another thing. I need the experience to show me that it isn’t scary. It is this reason I think mentoring is so vital for the disciple of Jesus, so we can have someone who walks alongside of us as we face the scary things of life.

I am alive

This past week I spent time in a house owned by my aunt and uncle in the Little Sioux River Valley near Sutherland, IA. I was able to create a preaching plan for 2009 as well as do some personal goal setting. It was a great week and I was glad I had the opportunity to do it, as well as an aunt and uncle who allowed me to use their Iowa house to get away from regular life.

With all that being said, I didn't have the distraction of an internet connection so I didn't have a chance to post this past week, but now I am back and you can expect some brand new ponderings this week.

Gnostic Teaching

Today as I began to study for the first sermon in the new series I am preaching (Listen: What Christ Wants The Church to Know, Revelation 1-3) I read this:

“Thus, John has not diluted the communal and covenantal aspects of the Exodus typology found in the prophetic writings. No doubt he is keen to emphasize this more corporate aspect of God’s love to counter early gnostic teaching, which viewed the effects of God’s salvation in individualistic and interior ways.” (New International Biblical Commentary: Revelation, Robert Wall, p. 59)

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t much of what we teach today about salvation individualistic and deals with matters of the heart and experience? Just this morning as I drove back from the nursing home I heard Charles Stanley talk about accepting Jesus as “you personal Lord and Savior.”

I realize that there is a personal component to salvation and that salvation is about receiving a new heart, but I think in order to appeal to the individual we have emphasized the personal aspect and ignored the covenant and corporate responsibilities. Following Jesus isn’t just about my “relationship” with Jesus, but also how I relate to other Christians in the context of the Church. So I am wondering: have we allowed gnostic teaching into the Church?

Two Pictures

Here are a couple of pictures I have taken recently:
The first is of my dog Barkley. Barkley is a cross between a smooth fox terrier and a rat terrier. He is 9 months old and I have had him since January. It is certainly different having a dog around all the time.



This one is a picture of the rose bush in front of the house I live in. I live in the parsonage provided by the church.

An Update and Link

I am at church camp again.  I am currently helping with leadership camp.  This is a brand new camp for us and we have 7 campers (we actually have more staff than campers), but it has been good.  One of the things we have been doing is reading Do Hard Things by Alex and Brent Harris.  It has been pretty decent, though I think they should have focused on "do the right things."

Tomorrow and Saturday I will be helping with teen retreat.  We have had some issues come up, one being we lost our worship leader for the weekend.  For things to come together it will take a miracle.

I haven't had time to right a pondering, but I thought I would link to an old one since I know I have a few new readers.  I will be back soon.

The Best Life

I am at Church Camp

This week I am helping with Junior Camp (5th and 6th grade) at Camp Nebowa. I had hoped to find some time to blog, but so far this week I haven't. I taught yesterday and then preach tonight so hopefully I will find some time to post, but I am not going to make any promises. So if you stop by wondering where the posts are this is the reason. So now if I post you can be surprised.

I am Sorry

To the faithful few who read this blog I am sorry I have been such a bad blogger lately. I don't feel like posting. It is hard to put thoughts together. I absolutely hate feeling this way. It isn't just about the broken heart, but it is about trusting God do what is best for me. I keep thinking if I understood His purpose that this would be easier to take, but perhaps this is just one of those bad things that happens that God will work for good in the end.

All I can do right now is remind myself about how God has worked in the past, because I sure can't see Him working right now. I am so tired of praying right now, so I ask for you prayers, that I find some hope and am reminded that God is in control.

Thanks for understanding and I will do my best to post a new pondering tomorrow.

Heartbroken Me

I have been in a fog for most of the day. I have been forcing myself to go through the routines of living, because I so much want to just give up. I am tired and discouraged and right now it is hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Why am I feeling this way? Last night the relationship that I have enjoyed for the past 13 months came to an end. My girlfriend and I came to the conclusion that there were a number of things in our lives that we needed to work on in our lives and that we couldn’t do work on them while we were in a relationship.

This is so hard because I truly thought she was the one I was going to marry. I was getting prepared to close out my ministry here in Storm Lake and move to Las Cruces, NM so we could actually begin to create a life together. Now all that is over and I have to try to get back into a ministry mindset after being on autopilot for the better part of the last month.

Even though the decision was mutual it still hurts and it leaves me with lots of questions about life and about who I am. The two questions that continue to haunt me are: “Will I always be alone?” and “Do I have what it takes to be a man?” I feel so inadequate right now about everything and the path of change seems so difficult that I wonder if it is even worth it. Why can’t things be easy?

Thanks for reading my little therapy session. I don’t want to bore you with anymore of it. I want to ask for your prayers that God will direct me and that I will have the courage to follow that direction.

I am on Vacation

...but there will be posts.

Today I am heading off on family vacation. My parents, brother, and I (along with my girlfriend, whom I haven't seen since April) are going to my sister's for the week. We should have lots of fun.

Even though I will be gone I will still post something everyday. I thought that was important since I am coming off a 3-week blog fast. I don't want to lose what few readers I have.

I won't be posting anything from Introduction to the Restoration Ideal this week, we will save that for when I get back. Mainly because I hope to generate some discussion with that and I would like to be around to comment.

Thanks for reading. Have a good week.

Taking A Break

To my few and loyal readers. I wanted to let you know that I am going to be taking a 3 week break from blogging. The main reason is because I have a lot of writing projects happening right now. On top of writing a sermon every week I have a three articles I am working on in and effort to get published plus I have daily morning devotions to write for two weeks of church camp, so I would like to focus on these things and not be distracted by Paul's Ponderings.

A secondary reason is that I would like focus some of my attention on this blog to the Restoration Movement. This has been on my mind for a while, but I couldn't figure out the best way to do it. What I have decided to do is to blog through the book Introduction to the Restoration Ideal by Marshall Leggett. I figure an introduction is a good place to start. During this time I will begin to familiarize with the book so I can blog about effectively.

Now you know why there won't be any up dates for a while. You can continue to visit and browse through the archives, maybe even leave a comment (I do like comments) telling me what you liked or didn't like. Even if you don't come to visit during my absence please come back and check out things when I return on Monday June 23.

Blog Vacation

My girlfriend is flying in today from New Mexico. She will be spending the next week with me here in Iowa, so I am taking this time off. Don't forget about me and come back on May 1 for brand new posts.

This Was Cool For Me

For those who do not know Victor Reppert from Dangerous Idea linked to Paul's Ponderings this week. He linked to my little rant about true conservatives. This was cool for me because Victor is a C. S. Lewis scholar and author of C. S. Lewis's Dangerous Idea which I read about a year ago (I don't know how much I understood it, but I did read it). It was cool to have a scholar like that land on my blog and think enough of something I wrote that he would link to it.